Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures
by xXDarkRiftXx
Summary: Jagger the Lucario is stupifeid, and Trace the Dragonite has to put up with him. What things will happen? Hilarity? Adventure? Tragedy? Romance? Madness? Read to find out! Rated T for mostly mild language.
1. Rare Candies and Orange Juice

**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch.1!**

Jagger was wandering aimessly around the house, while Trace was inventing some crazy gadget that would be awesome at first but would be able to potentially destroy the universe.

"It sure is boring around here." Jagger said. Trace ignored him as he continued working on his invention. Jagger waved his hand in front of Trace's face.

"Helllooooo? Didnt you hear me? I said I'm bored!"

"Jagger please! This requiers extreme cocentration!" Just then, Trace put the wrong peice in the wrong place. The macine started beeping rapidly.

**"WHAT THE FU-" *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM MMMMM***

**"MUHUHAHAHAHAHA!MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" **The entire room was destroyed.

"Dammit Janet!" Jagger yelled.

"Whos Janet?"

"I have no idea, but damn it to hell if I cant find out!" About 30 minutes later, Jagger came back in hlding a Whimsicott named Janet.

"Grrrr... Lemme go!" Janet yelled.

"I found Janet!" Jagger exclaimed.

"Uhh... Jagger? You seem more stupid than normal... And you're not that stupid normally..." Trace stated.

"Oh yeah! I think I know why!" Jagger said

***FLASHBACK***

"Hey Jagger... Want some Rare Candy?" Blaze, an Infernape said.

"Would I! Thanks Blaze!" Jagger happily ate the Rare Candy, while Blaze laughed evily to himself.

***END FLASHBACK***

"I think that Rare Candy stupifeid me..."

"Ah, I see..."

"Oh yeah! That reminds me of that one time!"

***NOTHER FLASHBACK (Yaaaaaayyyy!)***

"Hey Jagger... Want some apple juice?" Blaze said.

"Ah no thanks! I like orange juice better!" Jagger responded.

"Well, than it is orange juce!"  
"Oh golly gee willeckers! Thanks Blaze!" Jagger said as he started drinking the orange juice.

"Aha! I lied! That was apple juice!" Blaze said as he took out another cup.

"THIS is the orange juice! Ohohohohoh!" Jagger whimpered as Blaze drank the orange juice. Just then, a random Ponyta walked by and said

"Excuse me! Have either of you seen my urine sample? I'm getting tested for AIDS!" Blaze grew wide eyed.

***END NOTHER FLASHBACK***

Jagger sighed.

"And I still never got to have that orange juice..."

"Oh brother... What an adventure this will be..." Trace said.

"Ahem! Would somone please mind telling me where the hell I am?" Janet said, annoyed.


	2. Ice Cream n Cake n Cake

_**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch.2!**_

Trace was sitting down at his wooden table, about to enjoy a delicious cake when

"Noooooooooo!" Jagger dove across the table knocking away the cake.

"Jagger. Why did you destroy my cake."

"The cake is a lie." Jagger responded. Trace face palmed.

"Great. Now I have to make another cake."

"Cake! I want some!"

"But I thought the cake was a lie.

"It is a lie."

"Then why do you want the cake?"  
"Cake! Where?" Trace headdesked. Then Blaze ran in.

"Oh great. What do you want Blaze?" Trace asked, unamused.

"I want a girlfriend, but no one likes me..." Then Blaze started sobbing "I'm so alone!" Jagger walked over to Blaze an put a hand on his shoulder.

"Son. You don't need to feel down about yourself. Here, lets go get some ice cream. Would that make you feel better?" He said. Blaze wiped his eyes and said

"I... I would like that..."  
"Lets go then." And so the two happily skipped down the road, going off to get ice cream. Then Luna, Jagger's girlfriend, also a Lucario, walked in, she saw Blaze and Jagger skipping down the road, and thought Trace had something to do with it.

"Trace. What did you do." she asked.

"It wasn't me. Jagger said that Blaze gave him a Rare Candy that made him stupid." Trace responded.

"Oh Arceus. Lets hope Rena doesn't find out then."

"Find out about what?" Rena said, the Roserade appearing from out of nowhere. Luna groaned.

"Oh Arceus damn it. Rena go away."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you here."

"Why?"

"Because you're annoying."

"Why?"

"Why...WHY?! JUST GET OUT IF HERE ARCEUS DAMN IT!" Luna punched Rena in the face, causing her to cry and run away.

"Damn, Jagger must be lucky to have you around." Trace said.

"Yeah. Freakin plant wont stay away from him." Just then, a random Tangela walked by and said

"Hey, that's insulting to some of us."

"Man, this day just keeps getting weirder." Luna said.

"I'd get used to it if I were you." Trace sighed.

"You want some cake? Was gonna make more in the first place"

"More?" Trace pointed to the wall, the cake sticking the plate to it.

"Let me guess, Jagger?"

"Yep" Luna sighed.

"Eh, I guess I'll have some." Just then Jagger and Blaze walked in, eating ice cream.

"Who are you? What's that? Oh what's that? What's thaat? Ohhhhh, that thing has numbers on it. Oh look! There's the lady from the test. Hi! Where are we going? Do you smell something burning?" Jagger said curiously. Seeing Trace and Luna in the same room, Blaze whispered something into Jagger's ear. Jagger fell to the ground and said

"No... No... That's impossible NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !" In a Luke Skywalker wannabe voice. Trace and Luna headdesked and Blaze smiled mischievously, as Jagger was still shouting at the sky. Suddenly, a random pokeball was thrown at Jagger's head. It bounced off and landed in his hand.

"What the deuce? That mildly hurt my head." He said. Just then, Jagger was sucked inside the pokeball in a flash of red light. Then Ash Ketchum ran in, and grabbed the pokeball.

"You didn't see anything..." Ash said as he ran off with Jagger still inside the pokeball.

"Should we go get him?" Luna asked Trace.

"Nah, let's wait a bit, I've had enough of this insanity for one day." Luna smiled.

"I like the way you think Trace."


	3. If this was Chapter 9001

**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch.3!**

Trace was walking through the grassy plains, sipping some tea when he saw Jagger fighting a Yanmega, with several trees around them knocked down.

"Haha! You cannot defeat me Naruto!" Jagger said valiantly. "For I am a Zanpaktau! One of the greatest Yu-Gi-Oh masters in the universe! Choose your Digimon, and I shall activate my Super Saiyan powers!" Jagger threw an Aura Shpere at the Yanmega, knocking him back several feet.

"Hmph. Well played Goku, but my Agumon knows the hidden ability Polimerization! Which raises my power level to over 9000!" The Yanmega yelled.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" They continued screaming at each other for awhile, and eventually turned golden and were engulfed in golden flames. That is, until a random Machamp Dynamic Punched Jagger into Yanmega, causing them to fly far back, knocking down several trees.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" The Machamp yelled, annoyed. Trace sighed and rubbed his head.

"Typical..." He said as he went off to find Jagger. He found him somewhat of 20 yards away from the original battleground, and was found unconscious, lying on top of Yanmega. Trace sighed and shook his head.

"Oh Jagger... Why did you have to take that Rare Candy..." He began to drag Jagger back to the house, but then an idea popped up in his head.

"Eh, I'll probably feel sorry for him later, but what the heck, it will be funny." Trace found Rena walking around and said

"Here, take this." he tossed Jagger over to her

"Eeeeeee! Thank you Trace!" Rena squealed with glee, grabbing Jagger and running off faster than an Electrode. Trace sweat dropped.

* * *

"H...Huh? Arceus is that you?.. Where am I?.." Jagger said sleepily, slowly regaining consciousness.

"Hi Jagger!" Rena said excitedly.

"Ah! Rena?" He said, trying to get up, but couldn't. "The hell?.." Jagger grew wide eyed as he found he was tied to the ground. "R...Rena?.."

"Yeeessssss?"

"Would you do me a favor and tell me WHAT THE HELL YOU DID TO ME?!"

"Notttthinnngg..."  
"THEN WHY AM I STRAPPED TO THE FLOOR?!"

"No reaassson.."

"THEN UNTIE ME YOU CRAZY PLANT!"

"I'm afraid I cant do that..."  
"WHY THE HELL NOT?!" There was a long silence. "Rena. What are you doing? Rena? What are you doing!? Ren-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

* * *

Trace was minding his own business when Jagger shakily walked by, shivering.

"Holy... What did she do to you?" Jagger fell to the ground and started sobbing.

"It was horrible! She tied me to the ground, and... and... and..." Jagger started rocking back and forth in fetal position. Trace cringed in disgust as disturbing images flooded his mind. Then Rena, walking beside a Tangrowth, walked up to them.

"OH ARCEUS NOT AGAIN! RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY YYYYYYYY!" Jagger yelled as he ran away from Rena and the tentacle monster. Trace's mouth fell agape as even more disturbing images went through his mind. He chased after them, firing several Flamethrowers at the two grass types, burning them to a crisp.

"Waaaahhh! Trace why did you do that!" Rena cried.

"Because you were going to do unspeakable things to Jagger!"

"B...But-"

"Buts are for sitting!... Damn, Jagger must be rubbing off on me..." Trace ran after Jagger. He found him hiding behind a bush rocking back and forth in fetal position... Again...

"Its the- eye of the Lux-ray and the blah blah blah blah! I do not know the words no-ow!" Jagger said, sobbing.

"Damn... He's really traumatized..." Trace thought out loud.

"It's okay Jagger, let me get you some brain bleach."

_"Brain bleach? Dang man, he really is rubbing off on you."_ Trace's subconscious said.

* * *

Jagger was sitting at the table, drinking some "beer" when Trace asked

"Jagger, what are you doing?"

"Drowning my sorrows." He responded.

"Damn, Rena must have really screwed you up huh?"

"More ways than one." Trace hunched over for a moment.

"_Oh Arceus, he had to pull the more ways than one."_

"Really hurts my dignity..." Jagger stated. There was a long pause...

"Jagger?"

"Yeah?"

"You do know that that's Pepsi with the label off right?"


	4. The Government LIEEEEESSSS

**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch. 4!**

Trace was walking along, as usual, until he saw Jagger at the edge of the cliff. He grew wide eyed

"Holy crap! Jagger! Dang man I knew that thing with Rena was tough but do you really need to resort to scuicide?" Trace yelled.

"Who's Rena?" Jagger responded. "Anyways, I'm not comitting scuicide, I'm proving that gravity is just a myth created by the government! Just like global warming and science!" Jagger jumped off the cliff. "Whoo hooooooooooooo!" Trace peered off the edge of the cliff.

"Son of a-"

"Deleleleleewhoooop!" A random Kricketune walked by.

"What the- get out of here!" Trace said, shooing the bug pokemon away. Trace flew down the side of the cliff, swooping down and picking up Jagger just before he hit the ground. Jagger, not knowing that Trace saved him, yelled

"Haha! Take THAT government!" Trace shook his head.

"Man, Luna must be dying from all this loss of interaction with Jagger."

* * *

Luna was bored out of her mind, and was mindlessly staring at the ceiling.

"Man, I wonder what Trace is doing right now. Probably saving Jagger from jumping of a cliff because he was trying to prove that gravity is a myth. Yeah, that sounds about right." Just then Blaze ran in. Luna sighed.

"Blaze. What. Can. You. Possibly. Want. Now."

"Luna will you-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"You didn't even-"

"No." There was a long pause.

"Well..."  
"YES!" Blaze did the happy dance and gave himself a PROOOOOMOTION.

"Ahem, It's rude to interrupt. Well you CAN get the hell out of my house." Blaze slowly and sadly walked out, only to get crushed by a giant sandwich. And then Blaze woke up. Damn, even in his dreams he gets rejected. The poor bastard.

Trace spotted Jagger about attack a Wobuffet. The Wobuffet was sporting an evil grin.

"FALCON..."

"No Jagger don't-"  
"PAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWNNNNCC CCHHHHHHHH!" Jagger punched the Wobuffet with great force, making it bend backwards and almost touch the ground. Then, like a punching bag, the Wobuffet used Counter, and sprang up, knocking Jagger back a mile or two. Trace face palmed and sighed.

"Even a Stunfisk would know not to falcon punch a Wobuffet... And they don't even have arms..." Trace set off to find Jagger. A while later, Trace found Jagger lying against a tree, with Blaze drawing on him with a black marker.

"What the- Blaze! What are you doing?" Blaze looked up a Trace, then dropped the marker and ran away. Trace sighed.

"Damn it Blaze!" Jagger had a mustache and a monocle drawn on him, along with words on the side of his face that said "durr i um stoopid"

"How the hell am I gonna get this off?.." Trace said as he buried his face in his hands. Just then a Ninetales walked up to him.

"Hey Trace, watcha dooooin?" She asked.

"Oh, hey Ash Ketchum." Trace responded as he smiled.

"Come on Trace! You know I don't like it when you call me that!"

"Heheh. Sorry Ashley, sometimes I just can't resist."

"You can still call me Ash, just without the Ketchum..."

"I know Ash... Ketchum!"

"Trace!" Then Ashley noticed Jagger. "Uhh... What happened to him?" Trace sighed and told her the story of the Rare Candy. Ashley face palm- er... Pawed, and said.

"Oh Arceus... Nothing good can come of this..."

" Thank you for explaining that to us Captain Obvious."

"Trace, to be honest, you can really annoy me sometimes..."

"Why thank you, I try my best." Ashley rolled her eyes.

"So what do we do about Jagger?"

"I don't know really..."

"Can we just leave him here?"

"Ehhhh... I don't know... Who knows what kind of trouble he could get into if we leave him alone..."

"Come on Trace! Besides, we've barely had any time together..."

"I'm still not sure..."

"Pleeeeaaasseeee?" Ashley made puppy eyes.

"Well, I have been working my tail off lately... Sure, just this once.

"Yay! Thank you!" Ashley hugged Trace and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Besides, what's the worst that could could happen to him?"

"Well he could-"  
"That was a rhetorical question..."

"I know!" Ashley smiled and Trace rolled his eyes.

* * *

Jagger shakily walked in with shadows under his eyes, and stumbling and tripping over himself constantly... What? Is that not enough for you? Okay then. He looked like he was drunk. Sheesh, what else do you people want from me?

"LOis, i'M bAcK FrOM tHe ClAm." Jagger slurred before falling to the ground, unconscious. Trace face palmed.

"Oh Arceus... Blaze must have given him one of those confusion inducing berries... When will he ever learn not to take things from that stupid ape?" Jagger suddenly regained consciousness and gasped.

"Terrorists!? Where!?" He yelled. Trace grew wide eyed as he noticed a peculiar white substance all over Jagger's face.

"Uhh... Jagger did you?.."  
"Get rid of the graffiti that Blaze drew all over my face with white-out? Yes." Trace sighed in relief.

"Thank Arceus, for a moment I thought that you-"

"Sold my child pornography for weapons and drug money? I did that too." Just then, Magnezone burst in. and paralyzed Jagger with a Thunderbolt.

"Aha! A confession!" Magnezone said triumphantly.

"Nooo! I'm too pretty to go to jail! Trace do something!" Jagger yelled. Trace sat back in his chair, put on a pair of reading glasses, put a brown jacket on, put a pipe in his mouth and began reading a newspaper.

"You kids play nice now." He said in a dad voice.

"Dammit Trace! Save me you son of a-" Magnezone took Jagger by the neck between one of his magnets, and floated off with him.


	5. Holy poop! GTA and Final Fantasy!

**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch. 5!**

Magnezone floated in with Jagger, looking unamused.

"I believe this belongs to you." He said.

"So Jagger, how did you get out?" Trace asked.

"Well, it went somthing like this..."

***FLASHBACK***

Blaze burst through the wall with a cadelack.

"Get in!" He yelled.

"Blaze you can drive?"

"That doesn't matter! Just get in!" Jagger got into the car and Blaze sped away. Soon, many police cars were following them.

"Aww shiz mang! It da po-po! End of the line!" Jagger yelled. Blaze pulled out a pistol and cocked it.

"Not yet." Blaze replied, firing several shots at the cars, popping their tires, and causing some to crash into each other and explode.

"Hey, nice shot." Jagger said.

"Naw I wouldn't celabrate too early, we got three stars. Dat means dem helicopters gon be bustin our azzes soon.

"... Damn it."

***END FLASHBACK***

"Eventually they caught us and brought me here."

"Not exactly..." Magnezone said.

"Actually a Lucario came in and explained everything. We decided to actually search him instead of just going by earshot and he was clean, so we brought him back here." Trace shook his head.

"Jagger, Jagger, Jagger... What am I gonna do with you?" Just then, a random Raichu burst in, smacking Jagger through the wall with his giant buster sword, as the giant words **"9999 CRIT" **appeared momentarily over Jagger's head.

"Haha yes finally! Dananana na na nananaaaa!" The Raichu exclaimed triumphantly. "Da na na nana nana nana, na na na nanaaaa~" he continued as he marched out of the room. Magnezone, confused, turned to Trace and said

"Does this happen a lot?" Trace sighed and replied

"Yes... Sadly, yes..."

* * *

Trace walked in, surprised to see Jagger at a desk, reading a thick book.

"Wow Jagger, you're reading a book. What's the occasion?" Trace asked.

"I'm studying. Got my finals fantasy tomorrow."

"Oh I se- wait, did you say-"

"Yeah. My finals fantasy. Trace what does a Phoenix Down do again?" Trace face palmed.

"Even an idiot would know what a Phoenix Down does... Who is your teacher anyways?"

"He's this giant black dragon thingy." Trace grew wide eyed.

"Your teacher is a CZAR DRAGON?!"

"He's a Czar Dragon? I thought he was just a normal, huge, serpent-like, black dragon thingy person." Trace face palmed again.

"Oh yeah, Blaze told me to give this to you..." Jagger gave Trace what looked like a can of repel.

"Well whatever it is, I don't want anything to do with it." Trace accidentally pushed down on it, causing a purple gas to spray out of it.

"Gah! What is this?"Trace yelled. The gas dissapeared. Jagger gave Trace a strange look.

"Jagger? Why are you looking at me like that? And did you get bigger?" Trace asked. "And why can't I feel my arms?.." Trace grew wide eyed. "Oh crap. I'm a Dratini. That spray reverted my evolution! Oh when I get my hands on that Infernape..."

"Uhh... You don't have hands..." Trace slapped himself in the face with his tail.

* * *

Jagger was in a classroom, sitting at a desk with a test paper in front of him.

"Oh man... It's on to Chocobos now... I'm horrible at those! Oh man I am going to bomb this test..." Jagger thought, clutching his forehead in one paw and tightly holding a pencil in the other. All that was on his paper were squiggles and other random scribbles, and poorly drawn pictures of a horse and and ice cream cone. He only really answered two questions. He answered the question what is the maximum number of items the player can have with "Yes." and the question what is Chocobo inbreeding with the lyrics to Like A Boss. Across the room, Jagger spotted the Raichu from earlier just finishing his test. Jagger angrily snapped his pencil in half.

"Grrr it's that jerk that smacked me through a wall earlier... I am so going to Ultima him later..." Just then a Wailord crashed through the ceiling, crushing everyone.


	6. Just Your Average Day In America

_**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch. 6!**_

The 290 Counter has been activated.

_A black wind blows through you..._

_All weapons drop to level 1!_

A small, white figure wearing a red hat dropped from the ceiling. The ground was shaking and rocks were falling from the ceiling. There was also red spikes everywhere. The figure ran and jumped over a huge pit with spikes inside of it. It used a jetpack to clear some of it, but then fell, hit the spikes, and exploded. A red -127 appeared where he died.

_You have died._

_Try again?_

YES NO

"Arceus damnit! This game is too hard! In America!" Jagger shouted at the computer screen. "Cave Story... More like too hard to beat story... In America..." He muttered.

"Jagger, why are you playing that game anyways?" Trace asked.

"Well, I got bored of reading this guy xXDarkRiftXx"s crappy fanfictions, and I found it somewhere, so I decided to play it. In America!" Jagger exited the game and continued reading some fanfiction called Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures. "Hey Trace! Look! I'm in this one! Hey! You are too! Wait a second... Didn't that just happen a while ago?.. In America?.." Trace sighed and facepalmed.

"And now you've broken the fourth wall..."

"Eh, whatever. Hey Trace, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"Uh... Sure... What is it?.."

"Well, I sure do love-" Just then, Blaze burst in, wielding a katana.

"You love him? ERADICATE THE GAY!" He yelled thrusting his katana through Jagger's body before running off.

"Grape... Ape..." Jagger managed to say before he died. Yeah... A main character died... They'll believe that... They'll believe anything... Then a random Skitty came and stood on top of Jagger's dead body. Then, as if it were an airstrike flare, a Wailord crashed down from the sky, crushing both Jagger and the Skitty. The Wailord then exploded into hundreds of Mudkips, who all got sticks and started beating Jagger with them. Then the Mudkips turned into Spinda's and they started to PARTY HARD. Trace's eye twitched multiple times, not being able to comprehend what just happened.

"What. The. Fu-

MEANWHILE IN THE HALL OF ORIGINS...

Arceus just got back from doing... Something a god would do... Probably... Maybe... He saw a hooded figure typing on his computer.

"What the? Who are you?" Arceus said. The figure removed his hood and was revealed to be none other than xXDarkRiftXx.

"What The! You! What are you doing here!?" Arceus yelled.

"Why, playing god of course!" Said xXDarkRiftXx. Arceus pushed xXDarkRiftXx aside and looked at the computer. His eyes widened when he saw what xXDarkRiftXx did.

"You. Fix this."

"But I don't _waaaaaanaaa-_"

"NOW." xXDarkRiftXx crossed his arms and looked down angrily.

"Fine. Whatever you say, _Mom._" Arceus just rolled his eyes.

AND NOW BACK TO OUR STORY.

-ck." Trace said. Just then a figure appeared in front of him. He outstretched a hand towards Jagger. Jagger was enveloped in a yellow pillar of light, levitating off the ground as his wounds magically healed.

"What the? Who are you?" Trace asked. The figure turned to face him.

"I'm xXDarkRiftXx, your creator. And if you say A word about this to anyone, I'll kill you. And I WONT revive you."

"Fine. That's better than being stuck in this hellhole."

"Oh? Then how about I just don't write about you anymore. You wont be alive, nor dead. Forced to wander aimiaslly in limbo for all eternity."

"Okay with me." xXDarkRiftXx thought for a moment. Then he had an idea.

"Or would you prefer only being written in creepy yaoi fanfics?"

"You wouldn't."

"Oh would I?" xXDarkRiftXx snapped his fingers and Trace's vision went black. His vision returned and he found his face inches away from Jagger's, who was about to kiss him. Trace turned and saw xXDarkRiftXx, who had his arms crossed and a smug smile on his face.

"Well?" Trace ran over to xXDarkRiftXx, and got on his knees.

"OHARCEUSPLEASENOI'LLBEGOODIPROMISE!" He pleaded. xXDarkRiftXx snapped his fingers and they returned to reality.

"Now I need Palkia to repair the fourth wall the we just completely shattered." Said xXDarkRiftXx. Then Jagger got up from being dead. Err, revived.

"The fourth wall is broken!? Luckily, I came prepared. In America." He said. He took out a piece of paper and read it out loud. "Warning, In case of fourth wall breach... Hug the pony! Yaaaaaayy! I'm coming Pinkie Pie!" Jagger happily exclaimed before running off.

"Since when did Jagger become a bronyta?" Trace asked.

"I see what you did there." xXDarkRiftXx replied.

* * *

Trace and Luna watched as Blaze chased Jagger all over the place, swinging around his katana.

"Arceus damnit! I'm not gay! I'm an American!" Jagger yelled.

"You can't prove it!" Blaze replied.

"Yes I can! In America!" Jagger ran over to Luna and kissed her for about three seconds before running away again, leaving her wide eyed and blushing.

"Whats the matter?" Trace asked. "He is your boyfriend after all."

"I know, It's just... Never mind..."

"Just because you kissed a girl doesn't mean you're not gay!" Blaze yelled.

"Should we help him?" Trace asked.

"Let's just wait a little longer. This is amusing." Said Luna. So the two cantinued watching Blaze chase Jagger, and the Benny Hill music even started playing. This went on a couple more minutes until Luna picked up a random Geodude and tossed it at Blaze.

"I'm flying!" The Geodude said before conking Blaze right on the head.

"Argh! Curses! Foiled again!" Blaze said.

"Mama... I... I flew mama... Are you proud of me now mama?" The Geodude said. He then started sobbing and ran away. Then Rena came and walked up to Blaze.

"It's okay my little flaming friend! Time heals all wounds! And besides, I have a prophecy for you..." She said. Luna face palmed.

"Rena, how many times do I have to tell you, you are NOT Waka from Okami! Your not a guy, and your not a prophet either!" Said Luna.

"Waka's a guy!?"

"YES! Are you an idiot? Have you even played Okami? For one, it's like he's flirting with a female wolf! But... Why would anyone do that... And also the guys in the-" -CUT OUT DUE TO SPOILERS-

"Amaterasu is a girl!?" Rena said, completely ignoring the last part.

"Yeah... You are an idiot..." Luna muttered before walking off. Blaze then got up and turned towards Jagger.

"Come! We must settle the only way real men can!" Blaze yelled.

"Street Fighter style?" Jagger asked.

"Steet Fighter style."

ROUND 1. FIGHT!

"Ha, you're gonna lose! In America!" Jagger taunted.

"You wish! I'm gonna-"

"HADOKEN!" Jagger threw an Aura Sphere at Blaze, hitting him dead on."

"Ow! Cheap shot!"

"HADOKEN!" Jagger used Aura Sphere again.

"Stop it! That's cheating!"

"HADOKEN HADOKEN HADOKEN!" Jagger used Aura sphere several more times.

"You keep using the same mo-"

"HADOKEN!"  
"AHH! Ahh! Ahh!.." Blaze flew backwards and was knocked out as Jagger did a victory pose.

JAGGER WINS! PERFECT! Blaze's health bar refilled and he got up.

ROUND 2. FIGHT!

"HADOKEN!"

"Screw it. Hyper Beam." Blaze said.

"Wait, when did you learn-"

"IMA FIRIN MAH LAZAH! BLAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Blaze fired a giant laser at Jagger, knocking him out.

BLAZE WINS! PERFECT!

FINAL ROUND. FIGHT!

"Falcon..." They both said in unison, their fists becoming covered in flames.

"PAWNCH!" The two punches collided, creating a giant explosion and destroying the world. Not really. Nothing happened and the two called it a draw.

"Yeah! It's a tie! In America!" Jagger said.

"Jagger, please, stop it with the whole Bandit Keith thing. We get it. You're referencing Yu-Gi-Oh abriged." Trace said. "Geez, next thing you know pop-tart cats crapping rainbows will be flying around everywhere." And then Trace discovered the internet.


	7. Groom Groomps and Blue Pants

_**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch. 7!**_

Everyone (Exept for Jagger) was all gathered together, discussing the current affairs.

"So what should we do about-"

"SPY CHECK!" Trace was interrupted by Jagger coming from out of no where, holding a flamethrower. He put on his pyro mask and scorched everyone except for Ashley, who was the only one with the Flash Fire ability. Ashley sighed and retailiated with Fire Blast, which was powered up by Flash Fire.

"ERMEHERKEUS! I'M ON FIRE!" Jagger yelled. Blaze looked up at the flame that always burned on top of his head and said "Pfft, been there, done that." Then Jagger stopped, and started talking really fast and was really annoying.

"Ohmygosh,wherewereyou?Whatdidyoudo?ImjealousIwannadothatweshoul dgotothatplacesometimeanddow hatyoudiditsoundsfunufgkdsmb wsdbgvfsdxjgfduasgmfgyjsdgai ugvdjg" Everyone soon got annoyed, and Ashley tried to shut him up with Hypnosis, firing a pale yellow beam at him.

"Uh, Ash? Dosn't that not work on stupid people?" Trace asked. Ashley face pawed. The attack bounced off of Jagger and hit Luna instead, causing her to fall over and fall asleep. "Well... At least we know that she isn't stupid." said Trace. Blaze raised a hand to shush everyone.

"Wait, stop. There is something that must be done..." He said before kneeling down next to Luna.

"Uh, Blaze, I wouldn't do that if I were you..." Trace said.

"Well you're not me so in your face." While Blaze was doing... Whatever he was doing... Luna woke up.

"Yaaaaaawwnn... What happened?" She asked.

"Aha! They ARE pants!" Blaze exclaimed. Trace shook his head.

"Three... Two... One..." Luna looked down and saw Blaze. Her jaw dropped and a beet red blush showed from underneath her blue fur.

**"WHAT THE FU-! BLAZE!?"**

SEVERAL MINUTES OF PAIN LATER...

Luna snatched the blue "pants" from Blaze and put them on, still shaking in both embarrassment and anger.

"Urgh... The pain... Oh Arceus it hurts... Well at least now the world will know the truth..." Blaze said. He was curled up on the ground, his arms around his stomach.

"Looks like Blaze forgot rule of life number one..." Trace said. "Don't f-" _**HONK!**_ Trace looked over and saw Jagger holding a bull horn.

"Sorry... I thought that this was a good time to test out my bull horn..." He said.

"Fine. As I was saying, don't f-" _**HONK!**_ Trace was interrupted again. He looked over at Jagger again, and he quickly hid the horn behind his back and smiled sheepishly. Trace just shook his head.

"With Luna." Jagger looked around the area. He then stopped and said "Ohhhhh... Oooooopsss... Trace, I already-MMPH!" Luna quickly clamped a paw over Jagger's mouth. Trace's eye twiched. Then a random Whismur walked by. Jagger happily picked it up.

"Hey look! It's a Pumbloom!" He said. Blaze suddenly stopped his groans of agony and quickly went over to Jagger.

"Oh yeah! You remember the episode where Ash caught the Pumbloom?" He asked.

"Yeah! I re-"

"NO!" Blaze took the Pumblo- ERR UMM I MEAN, the Whismur and threw it as far as he could. Everyone exept Blaze, Jagger, and Rena just shook their heads and left. Eventually Blaze and Jagger left too, leaving only Rena.

"Aww... I wasn't even mentioned in this chapter..." She said sadly. "Hey! I'm mentioned now! Whee! I just broke the fourth wall!"


	8. The Tuba of the Lost City

_**Jagger and Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch. 8!**_

Everyone was out on a wondrous journey to find the magical- oh the hell with dragged everyone out on some stupid and boring quest to find some tuba. And to make matters worse, Jagger was talking in the third person the whole time.

"Jagger it's a tuba. What do any of us need with a tuba?" Trace said, obviously annoyed.

"Trace said, annoyance present in his voice, I've been questioning why I even brought him along in the first place. Blaze is much more useful."

"Holy poop! Someone thinks I'm useful?! **YEAAAAA-**"

"Quiet you. I tell the flaming monkey, wait a moment, what is that on the horizon?" There was a golden French horn with a blue star on it.

"And there it was, Jagger had found the tuba, of the lost city."

"Jagger, that's a French horn." Trace told him "And you can stop talking in the third person now."

"May I blow this tuba." "Or may this tuba blow me?"

"Aw come on Jagger! It's a tuba for Arceus' sake!" "I mean why don't you just have Lun-" **_Smack!_**

"OWWW!" Luna punched Blaze in the face for the bagillionth time. No, that's not an exaggeration… No, That's not sarcasm… No, I'm not lying… Jagger blew into the French horn, and rainbows poured out of it.

"Oh my Arceus! It's a rainbow tuba!" Jagger exclaimed "I know just what to do with this!" Jagger put the tuba behind him and ran all over the place.

"NYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANN YANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYA NNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYANNYAN!"

Everyone watched Jagger make a tool of himself for a while until they slowly left. Well, except for Blaze. He soon joined Jagger and his idiotic ways.

* * *

Jagger was sitting around, watching a Game Grump episode. Rena then popped up behind him.

"Hi Jagger! Watcha dooooin?" she asked. "Eat your peas." Jagger told her. "…What?..."

"Rena, eat your peas." "What are you talking about? What peas?"

"Look, Rena, I don't care how you eat them. A spoon. A fork. Your fingers. I don't care as long as they're in your mouth."

"But I don't have finger-" "Eat your peas." Then Jagger found a random piece of cake that was totally there the whole time. "Wait a minute." He thought. "The cake is a lie…" He gave the cake to Rena.

"Yay! Cake!" she said before quickly scarfing the cake down.

SOME TIME LATER…

Trace walked in. He saw Rena almost literally off the walls. "SUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGAR!" She exclaimed. "Son of a bitch, who gave Rena sugar?!" Trace asked.

"I thought the cake was a lie!" said Jagger. "Dammit! You idiot! Do you remember the last time someone gave Rena sugar?"

***FLASHBACK***

Rena was jumping up and down over the ashes of a burned house, carrying Blaze. "WHEEEEE SUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGAR!" She said.

I-I-It wasn't me… s-s-she made me do it…" Blaze stammered. He then started sobbing. "I-I-I feel so violated!"

***END OF FLASHBACK***

Trace came back from his flashback to find that Jagger was nowhere to be seen.

"Jagger! You mother-" "SUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGARSUGAR!" Trace was interrupted by Rena bouncing right into him. "Oh…Right…" Trace Growled.

SOME TIME LATER(again)

Jagger was walking around eating some ChocoTotodiles when he came across Rena, Blaze, Trace, and another burned house.

Blaze was rocking back and forth in fetal position, sobbing. "S-s-s-she did it again… why me Arceus?... WHY ME?!" He cried.

Jagger ran over to Trace. "Oh My Arceus!" Jagger then looked down at the box of ChocoTotodiles."Oh my Arceus Trace, These ChocoTotodiles! These ChocoTotodiles Trace, Oh my Arceus!"

"Oh my Arceus!? ChocoTotodiles!? I want some!" Rena exclaimed. Trace then shoved Rena away, just barely stepping her from glomping Jagger.

"Whoah whoah whoah, you're hyper enough as is" He said." More sugar is the last thing you need." "Hey Jagger, what happened to your rainbow tuba?" Blaze asked.

" Oh, well it kinda turned red and exploded." Then Jagger took out a broken cannon." Then I found this cannon, but it broke too. Wait a minute…"

Jagger then held the cannon over his head. " _**OH MYE GAWSH MYE THANG IS BROW-KEN GOING BACK AND FOR-**_** "**

"**JAGGER ENOUGH WITH THE GAME GRUMP REFERENCES ALREADY!"** Trace yelled.

"B…But I like Game Grumps…" "Hey? Can you blame the guy?" xXDarkRiftXx then came down, wearing a Lucario outfit for some reason. "Game Grumps rules."

"Wait a second… why are you dressed as a Lucario?... Wait, haha I knew it! You are a furry! Trace owes me five bucks!" Blaze said.

"Am not!" xXDarkRiftXx said, crossing his arms. "Pokemon and furries are two TOTALLY different things." Trace's eye twitched.

"But isn't the definition of a furry-"

"STOP TALKING!" Then xXDarkRiftXx gave Blaze a slap to the balls. Wait, how about we give him a PROVERBIAL slap to the balls. There. That's better. I think…

"Hey! You Proverbally slapped my friend in the balls you hob knocker!"

"Oh my Gosh! I'm your frie-"

"Quiet you!"

"What does hob knocker mean anyways?" Trace asked.

"I don't know, I call a lot of people that."

Then Blaze whispered something in Trace's ear. Trace gave him a strange look

"I don't know what scares me more. The definition of that word or that you know the definition of that word."


	9. It's more than nine times ninety nine

_**Jagger And Trace's Awesome Adventures Ch.9!**_

Jagger shook Trace a few times.

"Trace... Trace... Wake up..." He said in a somewhat whisper-like voice.

"Ugh..." Trace groaned as he got up. He could just barely see Jagger hugging a stuffed Teddiursa tightly. "The fu... What the hell Jagger... It's like... Three in the morning... Go to sleep..."

"But I can't..."

"... Why..."

"There's an evil monkey in my closet."

"Jagger, you don't have a closet... You don't even wear clothes..."

"Well actually, I-"

"Never mind!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"... The evil monkey is still in my closet...

"Goodnight Jagger." Trace rolled over to face away from Jagger.

"B-But... The evil monkey is scaaaaaaary..." Trace just sighed.

* * *

Trace went over to the very poorly made closet made of dirt.

"When did this get here?" He asked Jagger.

"Well, this hobo sold it to me for 500 P. He's really good. He's also my doctor."

_***FLASHBACK***_

The very drunken looking Slaking went up to Jagger, holding a rusty knife.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jagger asked.

" Ov courf it is. You can twust me. I'm a dawctor. If I wasn't, I would'n haf dis nief." The Slaking replied.

"Well then that makes perfect sense!"

"Good. Nao wets taik a wook at dat bwain."

_***END FLASHBACK***_

"... Riiiiiiiight..." Trace opened the closet and found Blaze inside it. He pointed at them. _**MENACINGLY!**_ Jagger tried to hide behind the stuffed Teddiursa. Trace sighed. After a few minutes of pain Blaze was out of the house and Jagger was sleeping.

_***TIME SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP***_

Trace found Jagger standing near a very odd looking portal.

"What the hell is this?" He said.

"I dunno. Looks pretty cool though." Then Blaze ran up to them.

"Hey guys, I was just jerkin o... Uhh... Out of a sound sleep!" He said.

"Woooo! That's the first masturbation joke of the entire story!" Jagger said, raising his arms up high. A large banner with the words " 1ST MASTURBATION JOKE!" in bright red dropped down from seemingly nowhere. There was also balloons and confetti. Trace gave Jagger a strange look.

"And... You're celebrating this... _Why?_" Jagger just shrugged. He then looked back at the portal.

"I know how to solve this! Falcon..."

"PAWNCH!" Captain Falcon came from the portal and falcon pawnched Jagger. "Show me your moves!" He said before returning through the portal.

"Mother of Arceus. This portal must be a dimensional rift or something." Said Trace. Jagger then reappeared out of nowhere.

"Now you're thinking with portals!" He exclaimed. Then xXDarkRiftXx appeared. He looked up at the banner.

"The hell is this?" He said. Everyone shrugged.

"Hey, why do you keep coming here?" Trace asked.

"Beacause the real world is boring. I'm also bored of training my Blaziken."

_**MEANWHILE IN A RANDOM VEIWER'S HOUSE...**_

"Hey! Blaziken is banned! You need to go to Smogon and learn how to play Pokemon! I have to write an angry letter. Dear Assface..."

_**AND NOW BACK TO OUR STORY**_

"YOU GOT MAIL!" A pixelated letter flew out of the portal and hit xXDarkRiftXx in the head.

"What the deuce? That mildly hurt my head." Said xXDarkRiftXx as he typed on his laptop so he knew what he was saying.

"Haven't we used that already?"

"So? I'm to lazy to come up with new material." xXDarkRiftXx opened the letter and read it. He then teleported away. He soon teleported back, covered in blood.

"What the hell did you do?!" Trace said.

"Oh, well the letter reminded me that I was hungry, so I went to McDoodles... Friggen copyright... But the ketchup exploded and got all over me. Remind me to sue them later."

"What about the angry letter?"

"What angry letter?"

"YOU GOT MAIL!" Another letter flew out of the portal. xXDarkRiftXx read it. He then teleported away. He soon teleported back covered in blood again. There was a long silence.

"Yeah. It's real blood this time." xXDarkRiftXx said. Then, a turtle wearing a helmet walked out of the portal.

"Who are you?" Jagger asked the turtle.

"Why, I'm Jagger!" He said.

"You can't be Jagger! I'm Jagger!"

"No I'm Jagger!"  
"I am!"

"No I am!"

"There is only one way to settle this... We must Kung-Fu fight!"

One extremely anticlimactic fight later...

"Soooo, what now?" Asked the Lucario Jagger.

"Dance party?" Replied the Terrapin Jagger.

"You read my mind." Music started playing from nowhere and the two started dancing while singing along to the music.

_"Super Mario-o! R-P-G!"_

_"It is the only one just for me!"_

_"When I play the game I get lost in a phase"_

_"Then I found out I'm stuck in Geno's maze!"_

_"Gimme Frog Coins!"  
"Gimme Mario!"_

_"Gimme Frog Coins!"_

_"Gimmie Mallow!"  
"Gimme See-Ya!"_

_"Gimme Geno!"_

_"Gimme cookies!"  
"Of course we will get you that Mario."_

_"We need to mute that stupid voice!"_

_"I need to get those damn Frog Coins!"_

_"There are many se-crets in this gaaaame!"_

_"Ma-ny of which drive some peeps in-sane!"_

_"Why you try to cheat in a really good game?"_

_"Just sound like crap and it makes you look lame!"  
"Exiting the for-est is super sim-ple: all you do is fol-ow these path tur-urrrnns..."  
"For the rest of your gaming liiiiiife!"  
"Wait, wait, wait, who are you?"_

_"Ha ha ha!"_

_"My name is Exor! I'm the rapper's angel! Travlin' blade with the Axem Rangers! Why should lamers like Mario and his party of a bunch of retarded Joes. Fix a Star Road I don't think so."_

_"Geno Whirl!"_

_"I don't blink slow!"_

_"Let's do this!"_

_"Cause every time I drive and rhyme a rhyme I damage my right eye more than nine times ninety-nine!"_

_"Lately's been a boredom and lack of interest! Little cats call us fags and incestous! Italian guy, my master plan and blaster plants rescue the castle princesses! Koopas and Gombas, them I just laugh at! I'ma hit "A" to raise the level of attacks! Don't fight the poverty, but hey! Kids that are lonely can drop it and play my game to get their bodies to act glad!"_

_"Gimme!"_

_"My name is croco!"_

_"Gimme, gimme!"_

_"Wallet!"_

_"Gimme!" "Oh hello!"_

_"Wallet!" "Oh, it's a little creepy up here..."_

_"Gimme, gimme!" "Yeah, it is."_

_"In the end of the game." "I'm a little low on hit points..."_

_"Gimme!" "Really?"_

_"Items." "Yeah, You got any refreshments?"  
"Gimmie, gimmie!" "You can have this Mushroom."_

_"Something rare." "BUT IT'S ROTTEN!"_

_"I am just a princess,"_

_"Please help meee!"_

_"Booster is sca-ry! Heard rumors he's taking me to Marrymore but I don't wanna Marrymore I wanna marry Mario!"_

_"Gimme Frog Coins!"_

_"Gimme Mario!"_

_"Gimmie Frog Coins!"_

_"Gimmie Mallow!"  
"Gimme See-Ya!"_

_"Give my my pan and parasollllll..."_

_"There are many se-crets in this gaaame!"  
"Ma-ny of which drive some peeps in-sane!"_

_"Why you try to cheat in a rea-ly good game?"_

_"Just sounds like crap and it makes you look lame!"  
"Exiting the for-est is super sim-ple all you do is fol-ow these path tur-urns..."  
"For the rest of your gaming liiiiiiiiiiife!"_

"What the hell is this shi-"

* * *

Is it bad that I wrote down most of the song from memory?


End file.
